Kim Jeong Hoon

Sorry Xiumei-BBQ

It takes alot for me to type this out, but please forgive me (er..nope, I am not a lesbian). I had been thinking for these past days, and know where my fault lies. I hate seeing friendships turning bad and everyone feeling lousy. Perhaps you are still mad at me, thats why you haven replied my sms or you didnt see it at all. But I just wanted to let you know first-hand about why I reacted that way, that day.

Firstly, thank you for your write-up on each sisters. Its very touching. I know I have asked you to delete mine, so I dun feel hostile or anything. At first, I have thought of leaving nice comments and wanted to call you the day after the BBQ. But upon seeing your comments, I decided not to. You know, I saw that you really treasure this friendship and I felt guilty about it. Yet when I wanted to apologise, I read nasty stuff again. Yes, I know. People said lots of things when they are truly mad. If you hasnt treated me as a true friend, you wouldnt be so mad. And on my side, I 'bite' back too. So, its understandable. (Actually, I also blogged about my angryness. But I deleted that entry after 15 mins.)

Secondly, the BBQ. I had hoped for a nice sisterly gathering. Being housebound really 'kills' me. I cant meet you girls as much as I wanted. This thought simply eats into me. And seeing pictures of everyone enjoying and stuff makes me depressed. I used to be so active and happy. Yet I cant. So, the only thing I had was to look forward to having people visit me. Hence, when I learnt that you guys were going off to another clubbing session soon, I was really upset. To myself, I asked "Friend or sister more important? Somemore I was flying off so soon. Cant she stay until Jing arrives?" I was very bothered about the fact that you couldnt spend more time with me. See, I only invited the sisters and Jing's friends. Jing's gang could only make it at 9pm and you replied you wanted to leave around 6pm. Naturally, that left me bbq-ing alone for 3 hours. Of course, I would want to cancel the bbq. Whats the point if all sisters cant meet at the same time? Likewise, I know your friend is very important too. I really dun mind if you have to go off later or what. Maybe, like Hui said, "Miscommunication". But, I was already too angry to listen to Hui.
Sadly, I was really bothered that I only see you once/twice in my 3 months in Singapore. At least, I see the gals on Christmas, birthday, Karen's moving house day, Tampines coffeeday and my BBQ. Altogther. I only see the gals 5 times, Jing 6 times, but maybe see ya 1 time - Tampines coffee. Its pathetic and I am highly disturbed. But its also my fault that I didnt informed you all the time earlier.

Fourth, I am not a fake friend or un-undertaking. I am angry. I thought why wouldnt my friend visit me? Doesnt she knows I am housebound? And all these. But I dun think its justifiable to throw a friendship away like that. And really, she got a life to live. The world dun revolve around me. I dun mean to make you sound like a baddie. That's not my intention. I couldnt understand why you wouldnt like to spend more time with me like I wanted to.
Lastly, I know we have placed the gals in a difficult position. I hate seeing Jing upset, and I spoke to Karen about it. I dunno whether you have cool down or not. But I have cool down. I thought it over and --> This is a small incident. Knowing someone for more than 9 years and suddenly turning enemies over a BBQ sounds like a joke. I laugh at it sometimes. Honestly, I was angry. But it doesnt matter anymore. I have thrown away your Bangkok-photo-frame twice. But retrieved it again twice. Its very silly. That toy's so poor thing. I apreciate the fact that sisters did not take sides. And the feedback they told me. Right of wrong, I dun mind. I only wanted to listen to the truth.

To the other sisters; Thanks for being here. I had it tough, I mean my illness. Its hard to relate to you gals how messed-up I have been all these, tortured daily with depression and anxiety. I dun expect you to understand too. Unless you are also sick like me. And to Hui, for 'forcing' me to continue with the BBQ. That was the first really happy time I had in months. Not even my birthday celebration can beat that. Jingjing too... hee, I know you kept traveling from west to east just to accompany me. I will never forget the first taxi ride (after my panic attacks) when you held my hand and 'ssshhh!' everyone else in the taxi. Karen, thanks for bringing Wanni over and over again. I know you are afraid to ask me constantly how I feel. Its alright, I wont get a relapse of what. No worries.
Finally, I dun think Mei and I will dislike each other forever. I am truly sorry for flaring up. I dun expect her to cool down so fast. Seriously, I dun believe that a BBQ can wreck a 9 year friendship. (I will giant cards if you like, but no flowers though.)



ps: I have shifted to www.xanga.com/blu_volka. I have just re-settled down. Will update soon... over at Xanga.

Bye bye

Hi peepos,
I am moving away from this blog. Too much unhappy stuff written here. Like a collecter of bad news (got good news also, but 70% bad).

I going back to Melbourne soon. I will miss Singapore. But then, aint you happy for me? I can be found at xanga.

Bye bye!

I didnt know I am that mean...

If things go wrong, do you

1. Point your fingers at the other party
2. Point your fingers at the other party but then stop and look at yourself
3. Look at yourself first
4. Look at yourself first, then point your finger at the other party
5. Neither, talk everything out before reaching a conclusion

I chose (2.)

After a nice BBQ session, I thought of the only unhappy thing about this BBQ and wrote an entry at 2am (lazy to type, read here: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=blu_volka)
I continue thinking about it and have sort of decided to act upon my unhappiness when I chanced upon something else.

Yes, I am meanie. I know no names were mentioned. But some stuff are damn obvious. The fact remains. If you really care about someone, you will think and try to resolve any problems. But apparently, it appears that I am the sole one who is misinterpreting everything. So, everything should be my fault. If let's say, one person is 100% right, that leaves the other party 100% wrong right? So, is there any point in talking? No more. Once again, I misinterpret the whole thing. Its entirely my fault. But I would still say this, "You are not 100% right either". By the way, since you mentioned you dun need this friendship anymore, you can erase me off from your life. Like someone once reminded me, "There is no need to make everything so bad. At least, everyone still friends". I am very sorry to take that sentence seriously. I dun need another tragic incident to remind me to be sad. I had enuff anxious and depressing thoughts. You are very lucky to have one sick friend out of your life.

Yes again, I am a meanie. A baddie sounds good too.

Movin House

Hi Peepos!
I have officially shifted to Lavendar already. And I think my spelling is getting worse. Very sad manz, to see my old room for the last time. I really miss Whitesands so much. Even went to the Popular bookshop to get my pens just to around that area again. I find it hard to let go of stuff.

But its okie, I can always go back again.

Anyway... dunno its okie to say anot. Not meant to accuse anyone. But we found some weird stuff at our old place as we cleared away everything. Its... very illogical loh and I cant think of anyone who wishes to bring us harm and how he/she managed to place stuff without anyone noticing. I was quite disturbed lah. But now, I am feeling much okie. I guess its best policy to clean the house often from now onwards.

Going to unpack now... everywhere's so messy!!

Bless you whole year round!

"May you have good fortune whole year round!"
"All blessings and good luck whole year round!"
"In good health and happy mood whole year round!"
"Great progress in studies and 'helpful people' all around in whatever she does!"
muttered the Hokkien speaking lady as she patted the joss papers on my back.

"And banished all the bad things and 'little people'"!
this time, a firm and hard knock was felt on my head.

I watched in fascination as I saw 2 little paper figures were placed before my knees. And with 2 loud "clicks clicks", I was free to go *smiles*.

I had 'survived' a trip to the temples, Sim Lim Square and OG in Bugis.

Random Picks

*Note
Jingjing: This bag is out of stock at the moment. The seller can only take this bag from the warehouse and send to us only in March.




I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel weird. Anyway, I found a diy EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to try on my agoraphobia. If I succeed, I vow to teach anyone who need some self-help. Just wish me luck okie? And say I am fine. No, I dun need any reminders that I am mad. Not even meant as jokes. (me so rude nowadays. i also dunno why.)

On a happier note, my bags from Taiwan! Its "haolian-time!"


My absolute favorite!

This should have been my favourite if not for it's highly v.i.s.i.b.l.e "Victory Duck" logo position just above the bow. But my MA loves it leh. Think I will give it to her. Heehee.

My Ma's. Looks better in real life.

I will order again. Hey sisters and friends, order with me leh! Then I can save on the postage charges liao. 3 bags' postal is $15. So the more we order, the more we can save.

Here's the link --> http://tw.user.bid.yahoo.com/tw/show/auctions?userID=002-002-002&u=%3a002-002-002

Aha! I know! "Whats the exchange rate?"
Go here to convert from TWD to SGD --> http://www.xe.com/ucc/


Okie dokie, me going to check for more nice looking bags liao.